𝟰𝟭𝘀𝘁 𝗔𝗻𝗻𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻

As I reflect on our forty years of marriage, I want to share our recipe for a blissful marriage. It's a blend of commitment, shared experiences, emotional support, and a focus on "we-ness." Our 41st anniversary is a testament to our strong and lasting relationship. This blog also reflects on the ancient Indian philosophies that have guided us and offers practical tips. Learn how we've navigated challenges, nurtured our connection, and built a shared vision for the future.

On our 41st wedding anniversary, we're filled with gratitude for the many warm wishes we receive. This year, I wanted to do something different. As a writer, I alongwith my spouse Lakshmi, felt drawn to share some insights on how we've nurtured such a strong connection for over four decades.This isn't just a sentimental reflection; it's a chance to offer some practical tips that might be helpful to others. After all, reminding ourselves of our blessings is good, right?

1. Commitment and Conscious Care (Shraddha and Sadhana):

Strong relationships aren't self-sustaining. Even after 41 years, we find they require consistent effort and intention. Like a garden, relationships need consistent effort—fed, watered, and cared for regularly. We see couples prioritize children, parents, or friends, neglecting their spouse. But we believe in togetherness, and we nurture our relationship with dedication and care despite temporary differences. 

Swami Vivekananda reminds us that true happiness comes from giving, not just receiving. This applies to marriage as well, requiring not just love but also shraddha (commitment) and sadhana (conscious effort). According to Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev, "Love is not a feeling; it is a commitment." Psychologists echo this sentiment, emphasizing the importance of ongoing effort in maintaining a healthy relationship. 

Commit to continuous growth together. Schedule regular "couple time" for meaningful conversations and shared activities.

2. The Power of New Experiences (Ananda)

The ancient Sanskrit word "Ananda" signifies bliss and joy. The brain releases feel-good chemicals such as dopamine during the early stages of marriage. Dopamine creates feelings of pleasure, motivation, and satisfaction. Over time, these chemicals naturally decline, and complacency can set in. That's why it's important to seek novelty and avoid routine. Lakshmi and I make a point to go on pilgrimages together, always within our budget. New experiences create a boost in those same chemicals, keeping the spark alive.

Adi Shankaracharya reminds us that life is a series of experiences rather than a problem that requires solving. Ravi Shankar echoes this by saying, "Where there is stagnation, there is death." Incorporating novelty into your relationship keeps the spark alive and creates a sense of shared adventure. Experts like Arthur Aron at the University of New York agree that couples who share new experiences report greater happiness than those who stick to familiar routines.

The Solution: Seek out new experiences together, whether it's a pilgrimage, a new restaurant, or a class at the local gym. Learning and growing together strengthens your connection and fosters joy.

3. Strengthening the Social Fabric (Sangha)

We avoid isolation by staying connected with loved ones. Greeting them on special occasions, visiting them in times of joy or sorrow, and hosting them at home are all part of our routine. Simple things like phone calls, visits, and gatherings keep our social network strong.

Ramana Maharshi taught, "Love is not attachment to a single person; it is the feeling of oneness with everyone." A strong marriage doesn't exist in isolation. Cultivating a supportive network of friends and family strengthens the foundation of your relationship. Relationship experts, such as Howard Markman, emphasize the importance of friendship and shared activities within a relationship. The more you invest in recreation and connection, the happier the relationship will be in the long run.

Make time for loved ones. Schedule phone calls, visits, and gatherings to maintain your social network. This not only keeps your lives enriched, but also strengthens your bond as a couple.

4. Emotional Support: The Power of Oneness (Advaita)

Our mornings start with a walk, light exercise, and a cup of green tea (prepared by me!). This is our "couple time" for deeper connection, sharing positive thoughts, and setting the tone for the day. We believe in strong emotional support, which is crucial in any relationship.

Ramana Maharshi teaches us about **Advaita**, the ultimate oneness. In a healthy relationship, partners offer each other unwavering emotional support. Studies show that simply holding hands with a trusted partner during stressful times can be physically and mentally soothing. James Coan of the University of Virginia puts it this way: "In healthy relationships, your partner takes your problems away. In unhealthy ones, they become another problem."

Who do you turn to for support? Ideally, it's your partner. Studies show that simply holding hands with someone you trust during stressful times can be physically and mentally soothing. Practice active listening and offer support without judgment. Simple gestures like holding hands during stressful times can create a sense of security and connection.

5. Building a Shared Vision (Ekatvam):

We manage finances together, fostering a sense of unity. We openly discuss major household expenses, yet we allocate a portion for individual spending without question. It surprises us when couples keep their finances separate even after years together. Seeing finances as "mine" instead of "ours" fosters distance.

The Bhagavad Gita emphasizes the importance of ekatvam, or oneness. In a marriage, this translates to a shared vision for the future. Working together towards common goals strengthens your bond and fosters a sense of unity. Psychologist Robert Levenson believes that a strong sense of "we-ness" is crucial for a long-lasting marriage. Shared finances are one way to build this sense of unity. 

Financial disagreements and a lack of shared goals may create tension and division.

We hope these reflections have been a blessing, guiding you towards love, joy, and lasting happiness in your own relationships. We deeply appreciate your blessings on this special day. If you're our contemporary, your well wishes mean a lot. For the younger couple, or simply someone who enjoyed this reflection, we hope this blog serves as a helpful guide. Discuss it with your spouse and apply these principles to your relationship.